The Short Version of Me
Boring!
Why is it so god dam boring?!
Well actually that's easy, everyone I know is in the army except me, no school, no job, no one around, just me and my computer. It wouldn't be like this if I didn't have plans for life, I can't get committed to anything serious because I'm moving sometime this year...I hope. The only thing that's holding me back is money, well almost the only thing...
Ok from the beginning.
Born in Israel, moved to NY, Long Island, at the age of 2, it was good while it lasted but then at the age of 10 we moved back to Israel. Not such a good idea if you ask me but of course no one did ask me, my parents decided that they wanted to live here so we moved.
Now just so you have an idea what we left behind and to what we arrived. In the US we bought a house, 2 stories, an attic, 5 bedrooms, 2 kitchens, a garadge, a big yard surrounded by forest, 2 good cars, both parents had good jobs and life was sweet. We sold the house in a rush because my parents set a deadline by which they were to be on a plane to Israel. When we got here it was like starting life from step one. We made virtually no money on the house, it all went to cover the mortgage and pay for the move. We lived with my aunt and her family for the first 2 months when we arrived, I was only 10 so it wasn't that bad. Finally after 2 months our containers containing all our belongings arrived from the US, my parents already had a house picked out, the cheapest house you could possibly find in the northern region of Israel. At first it was a shock, "how could we possibly be moving into this", we thought, the house was a disaster, it was a mess. For 2 more months we worked hard every day to fix the house up to living standards, it wasn't easy or fun but it had to be done if we wanted to live in a place we could afford.
School started so me and my brother were sent to school, a religious school. Here's where my parents made a terrible mistake, they came to Israel being totally non-religious and somehow by coming here they decided that they believed in god, who knows maybe they thought that only god could make such drastic bad changes in our lives. For whatever reason they decided to become religious they also decided that me and my brother were going to do the same.
Ok now back to school, me and my brother knew about 10 words each in Hebrew when we set foot in school. So of course everybody gathered around the new American kids, what they said to us I can only guess today but I'm pretty sure they took advantage of us not understanding them. Some of the first words I learned in Hebrew were fuck, son of a bitch, shit and a collection of other useful everyday curses. This is when I started thinking about moving back to the states.
Life went on and I got to highschool, Hebrew still wasn't my strongest side but I managed. Still in a religious school but now it was with a bunch of new kids in a different place and I was older. If I ignored the fact that I felt like I was being forced into religion then you could say I had a pretty good time in that first year, all I did was hang out with a group of about 10 kids, skip almost all the classes every day and wander the city getting into all kinds of trouble. As fun as it was, I still wanted to get out of the religious school, I was having a war at home with my parents trying to convince them that I had a mind of my own and should be able to decide if I believe in god or not and what kind of school I wanted to go to.
In the middle of 10th grade I had had enough, I did everything in my power to break school rules and I had my wish, they kicked me out. Life was get, no more religious school! Well actually no school at all!
Oh my what have I gotten myself into?
My parents refused to help me get into a non-religious school, "If you want it so bad then do it yourself", that was their final answer. As tempting as it was to just drop out of school I did have some brains even back then so I decided I'd do it myself. Now I never really heard of people doing this but here's how I got into school. At the age of 14 I started showing up for classes in a school that I chose, I didn't sign up, I didn't tell anyone I was new, I just started showing up on a daily basses. I had a friend there and I just followed him around school and went into all the classes he went into. Eventually after about 2 weeks teachers started insisting I spoke with someone about signing up for school, so got accompanied to the principles office and sorted into a class.
That year was great, a new school, a new beginning, I blended in well, I made a ton of new friends and I stated to learn a lot about girls that you don't learn in a religious school but all good things must come to an end. At the end of the year my report card came out and man did I fail a lot of classes (about 6 out of 11), the change of schools screwed me, everything I learned up to 10th grade had to do with god, the bible and shit like that; nothing useful for a normal school. The inevitable occurred and I was left back a grade. It wasn't so bad at first, I got along well with the younger kids and I still had all my friends from the year above me.
That year things blew up with me and my parents, I had an extremely bad week which resulted in me being kicked out of the house by my day with a bag as big as me filled with my cloths. After 2 months between friends and on the street, my friend who also dropped out of school took me in to live with him. His mom set out a few minimal rules for me if I wanted to stay with them and I was set. A small problem was that they lived 2 hours drive from my school so I was forced to drop out of school but that didn't seem important at the time. Me and my friend spent a lot of our time planning our futures, we were going to move to America together after we found a way to get my friend a greencard and we would live a proper life. Once again life was great or at least that's what I forced myself to believe but truthfully I was being teared apart from inside, I was bottling up everything I felt since arriving in Israel and it was on the verge of bursting. After about 4-5 months of living with my friend in the same room I made one mistake that will probably prove to be one of the only things I'll ever regret in my life. That mistake got me back into the streets and conjured up the worst 2 days of my life in which I made a few more terrible mistakes. At the end of the two days I was back home, my real home with my real family. I was glad to be back with my brother whom I love dearly but I was not speaking with my parents. For about 2 months I did not speak with my parents not including the 6 months that I wasn't at home, not a word. They tried to win my love by buying me everything I could possibly want but it made no difference, as far as I was concerned, that past year and all the troubles in my life up until that moment were all their fault.
Summer vacation started but it made no difference to me, I hadn't been in school for about half a year. The hard decision stood before me, should I go back to school or not? Once again I did the right thing and decided to go back to school. The school had kept a close watch on me since the mess at home started and I ever had sessions with the school councilor a few times before I went to move with my friend but now the school decided to play dumb. They wouldn't let me back in under any circumstances so I went over their heads. Here's where my parents started coming back into the picture, they were trying to do anything to get me to talk to them and they insisted on helping me get back into school if that's what I wanted. It wasn't easy for me to accept their help at first but by the time it was over and the government forced the school into taking me back, I was on talking terms with my parents. In truth, I finally realized then how much they loved me but I was still only 16 and wasn't about to admit it. School put me into the worst class possible, it was a gathering of retarts, rejects and trouble makers, it was my only way into school without being left back for a second time.
That whole period of my life made me get closer than I ever dreamed possible with a few of my friends and the friend I lived with in my homeless period made things right between us again but all this came at the cost of me loosing 90% of my former friends. It's hard to go through what I went through that year and not come out a totally different person, I was more serious about life and most of my former friends weren't willing to accept the new me. Still no matter, my 6-7 friends were like family to me, none of them learned at my school (most of them dropped out) but they were and still are my true friends.
School was coming to an end and the next step is army, in Israel it is the law, at the age of 18 after you finish school, you're sent to the army for 3 years. I had 1 year that I was with my friends 24/7, I got closer to my parents than anyone I know and I had a blast. The plan was to finish school and move to America, school ended, one by one my friends were sent to the army till only I was left alone, which brings us up to date.
The next big step in my life is leaving everything I grew up with, everything I know, everyone I know and going someplace absolutely new, absolutely alone. I've decided that the best, safest way for me to move is to go to the US army, after 2-4 years in the army I will have a much better picture of my surroundings and I'll have the money needed inorder to go to collage and get started with life. Another good reason to go to the army is because it's foolproof, I get a place to live, food and everything else a person needs inorder to live plus I'm getting paid. I won't have nearly any expenses so 2-4 years of paychecks will be going strait into saving for the years to come after the army.
Intimidating?
That's putting it mildly. I am terrified of this move, that's probaly the reason it hasn't happened yet. All I need inorder to move is $1000-2000$ to get myself started, now while that's not an amount of money that just finds itself into your pocket, it also isn't impossibly hard to get, 1-2 months in a steady job should be enough.
Why am I still here?
Well that dippens, I could say that I haven't found a job yet so I don't have the money for the move and I would be telling the truth but then I'd not only be fooling everyone else, I'd also be fooling myself. That is basically what I've been doing since July, I'm pretty sure 6 months is a long time to not be able to find a job and it is.
So why don't I have a job?
If you haven't figgured it out then here, I'm admitting this both to you and to myself. I am scared, I'm going out occasionally to "look" for a job, hoping beyond all hopes that I fail, thus delaying the move even more so that I won't have to deal with it yet. I'm doing just enough effort to be able to fool people into thinking that I've just been very unlucky in finding a job but to tell the truth I have been taking advantage of not having anything to do. I've been basically sitting around doing nothing for 6 months and it's starting to become both a habit that's hard to change and very boring.
So what's holding me back from making the move?
Well the fact that I don't have the money is just a technical obstacle that can easily be overcome, the real reason is because I'm not letting myself. I'm doing nothing, none of the things that need to be done inorder to get the money and arrange all that the things that need to be arranged for this move to take place.
I feel better after writing this, maybe admitting my problem will help me deal with it, I hope so. It's not that I don't want to move, it's just that I want it to be easy when it obviously isn't. So there you have it, my life story and my future planes.
Why is it so god dam boring?!
Well actually that's easy, everyone I know is in the army except me, no school, no job, no one around, just me and my computer. It wouldn't be like this if I didn't have plans for life, I can't get committed to anything serious because I'm moving sometime this year...I hope. The only thing that's holding me back is money, well almost the only thing...
Ok from the beginning.
Born in Israel, moved to NY, Long Island, at the age of 2, it was good while it lasted but then at the age of 10 we moved back to Israel. Not such a good idea if you ask me but of course no one did ask me, my parents decided that they wanted to live here so we moved.
Now just so you have an idea what we left behind and to what we arrived. In the US we bought a house, 2 stories, an attic, 5 bedrooms, 2 kitchens, a garadge, a big yard surrounded by forest, 2 good cars, both parents had good jobs and life was sweet. We sold the house in a rush because my parents set a deadline by which they were to be on a plane to Israel. When we got here it was like starting life from step one. We made virtually no money on the house, it all went to cover the mortgage and pay for the move. We lived with my aunt and her family for the first 2 months when we arrived, I was only 10 so it wasn't that bad. Finally after 2 months our containers containing all our belongings arrived from the US, my parents already had a house picked out, the cheapest house you could possibly find in the northern region of Israel. At first it was a shock, "how could we possibly be moving into this", we thought, the house was a disaster, it was a mess. For 2 more months we worked hard every day to fix the house up to living standards, it wasn't easy or fun but it had to be done if we wanted to live in a place we could afford.
School started so me and my brother were sent to school, a religious school. Here's where my parents made a terrible mistake, they came to Israel being totally non-religious and somehow by coming here they decided that they believed in god, who knows maybe they thought that only god could make such drastic bad changes in our lives. For whatever reason they decided to become religious they also decided that me and my brother were going to do the same.
Ok now back to school, me and my brother knew about 10 words each in Hebrew when we set foot in school. So of course everybody gathered around the new American kids, what they said to us I can only guess today but I'm pretty sure they took advantage of us not understanding them. Some of the first words I learned in Hebrew were fuck, son of a bitch, shit and a collection of other useful everyday curses. This is when I started thinking about moving back to the states.
Life went on and I got to highschool, Hebrew still wasn't my strongest side but I managed. Still in a religious school but now it was with a bunch of new kids in a different place and I was older. If I ignored the fact that I felt like I was being forced into religion then you could say I had a pretty good time in that first year, all I did was hang out with a group of about 10 kids, skip almost all the classes every day and wander the city getting into all kinds of trouble. As fun as it was, I still wanted to get out of the religious school, I was having a war at home with my parents trying to convince them that I had a mind of my own and should be able to decide if I believe in god or not and what kind of school I wanted to go to.
In the middle of 10th grade I had had enough, I did everything in my power to break school rules and I had my wish, they kicked me out. Life was get, no more religious school! Well actually no school at all!
Oh my what have I gotten myself into?
My parents refused to help me get into a non-religious school, "If you want it so bad then do it yourself", that was their final answer. As tempting as it was to just drop out of school I did have some brains even back then so I decided I'd do it myself. Now I never really heard of people doing this but here's how I got into school. At the age of 14 I started showing up for classes in a school that I chose, I didn't sign up, I didn't tell anyone I was new, I just started showing up on a daily basses. I had a friend there and I just followed him around school and went into all the classes he went into. Eventually after about 2 weeks teachers started insisting I spoke with someone about signing up for school, so got accompanied to the principles office and sorted into a class.
That year was great, a new school, a new beginning, I blended in well, I made a ton of new friends and I stated to learn a lot about girls that you don't learn in a religious school but all good things must come to an end. At the end of the year my report card came out and man did I fail a lot of classes (about 6 out of 11), the change of schools screwed me, everything I learned up to 10th grade had to do with god, the bible and shit like that; nothing useful for a normal school. The inevitable occurred and I was left back a grade. It wasn't so bad at first, I got along well with the younger kids and I still had all my friends from the year above me.
That year things blew up with me and my parents, I had an extremely bad week which resulted in me being kicked out of the house by my day with a bag as big as me filled with my cloths. After 2 months between friends and on the street, my friend who also dropped out of school took me in to live with him. His mom set out a few minimal rules for me if I wanted to stay with them and I was set. A small problem was that they lived 2 hours drive from my school so I was forced to drop out of school but that didn't seem important at the time. Me and my friend spent a lot of our time planning our futures, we were going to move to America together after we found a way to get my friend a greencard and we would live a proper life. Once again life was great or at least that's what I forced myself to believe but truthfully I was being teared apart from inside, I was bottling up everything I felt since arriving in Israel and it was on the verge of bursting. After about 4-5 months of living with my friend in the same room I made one mistake that will probably prove to be one of the only things I'll ever regret in my life. That mistake got me back into the streets and conjured up the worst 2 days of my life in which I made a few more terrible mistakes. At the end of the two days I was back home, my real home with my real family. I was glad to be back with my brother whom I love dearly but I was not speaking with my parents. For about 2 months I did not speak with my parents not including the 6 months that I wasn't at home, not a word. They tried to win my love by buying me everything I could possibly want but it made no difference, as far as I was concerned, that past year and all the troubles in my life up until that moment were all their fault.
Summer vacation started but it made no difference to me, I hadn't been in school for about half a year. The hard decision stood before me, should I go back to school or not? Once again I did the right thing and decided to go back to school. The school had kept a close watch on me since the mess at home started and I ever had sessions with the school councilor a few times before I went to move with my friend but now the school decided to play dumb. They wouldn't let me back in under any circumstances so I went over their heads. Here's where my parents started coming back into the picture, they were trying to do anything to get me to talk to them and they insisted on helping me get back into school if that's what I wanted. It wasn't easy for me to accept their help at first but by the time it was over and the government forced the school into taking me back, I was on talking terms with my parents. In truth, I finally realized then how much they loved me but I was still only 16 and wasn't about to admit it. School put me into the worst class possible, it was a gathering of retarts, rejects and trouble makers, it was my only way into school without being left back for a second time.
That whole period of my life made me get closer than I ever dreamed possible with a few of my friends and the friend I lived with in my homeless period made things right between us again but all this came at the cost of me loosing 90% of my former friends. It's hard to go through what I went through that year and not come out a totally different person, I was more serious about life and most of my former friends weren't willing to accept the new me. Still no matter, my 6-7 friends were like family to me, none of them learned at my school (most of them dropped out) but they were and still are my true friends.
School was coming to an end and the next step is army, in Israel it is the law, at the age of 18 after you finish school, you're sent to the army for 3 years. I had 1 year that I was with my friends 24/7, I got closer to my parents than anyone I know and I had a blast. The plan was to finish school and move to America, school ended, one by one my friends were sent to the army till only I was left alone, which brings us up to date.
The next big step in my life is leaving everything I grew up with, everything I know, everyone I know and going someplace absolutely new, absolutely alone. I've decided that the best, safest way for me to move is to go to the US army, after 2-4 years in the army I will have a much better picture of my surroundings and I'll have the money needed inorder to go to collage and get started with life. Another good reason to go to the army is because it's foolproof, I get a place to live, food and everything else a person needs inorder to live plus I'm getting paid. I won't have nearly any expenses so 2-4 years of paychecks will be going strait into saving for the years to come after the army.
Intimidating?
That's putting it mildly. I am terrified of this move, that's probaly the reason it hasn't happened yet. All I need inorder to move is $1000-2000$ to get myself started, now while that's not an amount of money that just finds itself into your pocket, it also isn't impossibly hard to get, 1-2 months in a steady job should be enough.
Why am I still here?
Well that dippens, I could say that I haven't found a job yet so I don't have the money for the move and I would be telling the truth but then I'd not only be fooling everyone else, I'd also be fooling myself. That is basically what I've been doing since July, I'm pretty sure 6 months is a long time to not be able to find a job and it is.
So why don't I have a job?
If you haven't figgured it out then here, I'm admitting this both to you and to myself. I am scared, I'm going out occasionally to "look" for a job, hoping beyond all hopes that I fail, thus delaying the move even more so that I won't have to deal with it yet. I'm doing just enough effort to be able to fool people into thinking that I've just been very unlucky in finding a job but to tell the truth I have been taking advantage of not having anything to do. I've been basically sitting around doing nothing for 6 months and it's starting to become both a habit that's hard to change and very boring.
So what's holding me back from making the move?
Well the fact that I don't have the money is just a technical obstacle that can easily be overcome, the real reason is because I'm not letting myself. I'm doing nothing, none of the things that need to be done inorder to get the money and arrange all that the things that need to be arranged for this move to take place.
I feel better after writing this, maybe admitting my problem will help me deal with it, I hope so. It's not that I don't want to move, it's just that I want it to be easy when it obviously isn't. So there you have it, my life story and my future planes.
posted by Y.Y. at 11:30 AM
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